Navigating Grief with Compassion and Care
- Debra Anson
- 1 day ago
- 3 min read
Updated: 9 hours ago
Grief is a universal human experience—inevitable, painful, and deeply personal. Whether it's the loss of a loved one, a pet, a relationship, a job, or even a sense of identity, grief has a way of reshaping our inner world. While there's no "right" way to grieve, understanding the emotional roadmap many people travel can provide comfort and clarity in the chaos.
One of the most well-known frameworks for understanding grief is the Kübler-Ross Grief Cycle, developed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. Originally introduced in her 1969 book On Death and Dying, this model outlines five stages that people may experience in the face of loss.
The Five Stages of Grief
1. Denial
“This can’t be happening.”Denial is often the mind's first defense against overwhelming pain. It gives us time to process the reality of loss in smaller, more manageable pieces. In this stage, you may feel numb, in shock, or find yourself going through the motions.
Tip:Don’t rush yourself out of this phase. Give yourself permission to sit with the disbelief. Journaling or talking with someone safe can gently help you explore the reality of your loss at your own pace.
2. Anger
“Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”Anger is a natural response to helplessness and heartbreak. It can be directed at others, at yourself, at the universe—even at the person who is gone. While often uncomfortable, anger is an important part of healing.
Tip:Find healthy outlets for your anger—physical activity, art, screaming into a pillow, or speaking with a therapist. Don’t judge your anger; it’s a sign of love and pain colliding.
3. Bargaining
“If only I had done X, maybe this wouldn’t have happened…”In this stage, our minds try to regain control through “what-ifs” and “if-onlys.” It’s a way to postpone the sadness, trying to negotiate a different reality.
Tip:Notice when your thoughts become self-blaming or guilt-driven. Gently remind yourself that grief doesn’t follow logic, and you’re not responsible for the uncontrollable. Compassion is the antidote to guilt.
4. Depression
“This hurts too much. I can’t go on.”When the loss becomes undeniably real, it often brings profound sadness. This stage may include fatigue, withdrawal, crying, or loss of interest in daily life.
Tip:This stage isn't a sign of weakness—it’s a natural, vital part of grieving. Let yourself feel the heaviness, but seek connection when you can: a support group, a counselor, or simply someone who will sit with you in silence.
5. Acceptance
“This is my new reality, and I’m learning to live with it.”Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re "okay" with the loss. It means you're learning how to live again while carrying it. There may still be sadness, but there’s also space for hope and growth.
Tip:When acceptance begins to emerge, nurture it. Explore rituals or routines that honor your loss while inviting new meaning into your life—planting a tree, creating art, or volunteering in someone’s memory.
Important Truths About Grief
The stages are not linear. You may bounce between them, revisit them, or experience them all at once.
There is no timeline. Some losses stay with us for a lifetime. That’s okay.
Grief changes shape. With time, it may soften, but it never disappears completely—and that’s a testament to love.
Additional Tips for Processing Grief
Allow yourself to feel. Avoiding grief doesn’t make it go away; it often resurfaces in unexpected ways.
Establish a routine. Simple structure can provide a sense of stability when everything feels uncertain.
Talk about your loss. Whether through therapy, support groups, or with trusted friends, verbalizing your pain helps externalize it.
Care for your body. Grief is physical too—eat nourishing food, hydrate, and rest.
Create memorials or rituals. They offer a tangible way to honor your loved one or loss.
Practice self-compassion. You’re doing the best you can, even on days when it doesn’t feel like it.
Final Thoughts
Grief is the price we pay for love—and it’s a price worth paying. While the Kübler-Ross model can help us name and validate our emotions, it's not a prescription. Each person's grief is uniquely their own. What matters most is moving at your own pace, with kindness and support, as you navigate the path toward healing.
You are not alone.
Debi Anson LCSW CAADC
616-268-2787
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