Building Healthy Attachment: Feeling Safe in Relationships
- Debra Anson
- Aug 19
- 2 min read
As human beings, we are wired for connection. From the moment we are born, our relationships shape how we see ourselves and how safe we feel in the world. Attachment theory helps explain how those early bonds with caregivers influence the way we relate to others later in life.
When those bonds are nurturing and reliable, we develop what’s called a secure attachment. But if they’re inconsistent, absent, or harmful, we may learn patterns that make relationships feel confusing or unsafe. The good news is that attachment styles are not set in stone—healthy attachment can be learned and strengthened at any stage of life.
The Four Attachment Styles
Everyone develops their own way of connecting with others. These patterns are called attachment styles, and knowing about them can bring clarity and compassion to your relationships.
1. Secure Attachment
When you feel secure, relationships bring comfort rather than fear. You trust others, can ask for help when you need it, and offer support in return. Conflict doesn’t feel like the end of the world because you believe in repair and reconnection.
2. Anxious Attachment
With this style, relationships can feel uncertain or fragile. You might worry about being abandoned, crave closeness, or need extra reassurance. The longing for connection is strong, but fear of losing it can feel overwhelming.
3. Avoidant Attachment
Here, closeness may feel uncomfortable or even unsafe. You might prefer independence, struggle to rely on others, or keep emotions private. Deep down, there may still be a longing for connection—it just feels safer at a distance.
4. Disorganized Attachment
This style often develops when love and safety were mixed with fear or inconsistency. Relationships may feel confusing—wanting closeness while also fearing it. It can be hard to know when to lean in or pull back, and this push-pull can create inner conflict.
Moving Toward Healthy Attachment
No matter your attachment style, healing is possible. With awareness and support, you can create healthier, more secure bonds. Here are a few steps that can help:
Practice self-awareness – Notice how you react in relationships without judgment.
Build safe connections – Choose people who respect your boundaries and treat you with care.
Learn new tools – Therapy, journaling, and communication skills can help shift old patterns.
Repair when needed – Healthy attachment isn’t about avoiding conflict, but learning how to come back to safety after it.
A Gentle Reminder
Your attachment style doesn’t define your future—it simply shows where you’ve been. With patience, practice, and supportive relationships, you can grow toward secure, healthy attachment and create connections that bring peace, safety, and love.
Want to learn more?
Debi Anson LCSW CAADC
616-268-2787
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