Love, Through a Therapeutic Lens: More Than a Feeling.
- Debra Anson
- 6 hours ago
- 2 min read
When we think of love, we often imagine romance, passion, or an intense emotional bond. But from a therapeutic perspective, love is less about a mysterious feeling and more about a relational experience — one that shapes our sense of safety, identity, and connection throughout life.
In therapy, love is understood not only as something we feel, but as something we experience, practice, and internalize. Here are some of the key ways therapists define and explore love.
Love as Secure Attachment
One of the most foundational ways therapy understands love is through attachment theory.
Love is the emotional bond that helps us feel:
Safe
Seen
Valued
Secure enough to grow
When love is consistent and nurturing, it allows people to explore the world, regulate their emotions, and build healthy relationships. But when love is unpredictable, distant, or unsafe, it can lead to patterns of anxiety, avoidance, or fear of closeness in adulthood.
From this perspective, love is not just what we feel — it’s how safe we feel being ourselves with someone.
Love as Emotional Attunement
Another key element of love in therapy is attunement — the ability to notice, understand, and respond to another person’s emotional experience.
Feeling loved often means feeling:
Deeply understood
Emotionally validated
Accepted without needing to perform or pretend
This kind of emotional resonance can be profoundly healing, especially for people who grew up feeling misunderstood or unseen.
In simple terms:Love is when someone truly “gets” you — and stays present.
Love as Healing Connection
Therapeutically, love can serve as a powerful corrective emotional experience.
Safe, caring, and consistent relationships — whether with partners, friends, family, or even within the therapeutic relationship — can help repair old wounds. Over time, these experiences can reshape how the brain processes trust, closeness, and emotional safety.
In this way, love becomes not just comforting, but transformative.
Love as a Choice and a Practice
Therapy also emphasizes that love is more than a feeling — it’s a practice.
Love shows up through intentional actions such as:
Setting healthy boundaries
Offering empathy
Taking responsibility for harm
Communicating honestly
Choosing kindness even when it’s hard
This reframes love as something active, mature, and sustainable, rather than something that depends solely on emotion or chemistry.
Love of Self: The Foundation of All Love
Finally, therapy highlights the importance of self-love — not as self-centeredness, but as self-compassion.
Self-love means:
Treating yourself with kindness
Allowing imperfection
Speaking to yourself with patience instead of criticism
Honoring your needs and limits
When we learn to extend compassion toward ourselves, it becomes easier to receive and give love in healthy ways.
A Therapeutic Definition of Love
From a therapeutic lens, love can be understood as:
The experience of safety, connection, and compassion that allows us to grow, heal, and be authentic — both with others and with ourselves.
Love, in this sense, is not just something that happens to us. It’s something we build, practice, and embody — in relationships, in therapy, and in our relationship with ourselves.
Debi Anson LCSW CAADC
616-268-2787
Comments